One word...Complicated

booh!

2008-12-27T16:27:00.002+08:00

have to be honest. im so not committed in having a blog. hahha.
busy with work, child, friends, boyfriend matter. blablabla... hahahhahaha...

bye!

Congratulations!

2008-12-01T18:07:00.004+08:00

Hie. i know Ive not been updating quite lately. have to be honest. I'm super lazy! going back and fro to grandma house. Ive not been going out for 1 week with Love or even friends!
*tap on the back ayuni*
later I'm meeting ann. chill for a while and go grandma house. AGAIN, that's right. again.
I'm bored seeing hypocrite faces and evil means.whatever, like it or not, they still run through my blood. god gracious. i can't believe i said that.

I wanna congratulate Love twin sister, Kak Sara and Kak Nyra!
i love you both like my own. May your marriage last till the end of time.

the ups and the down

2008-11-17T16:10:00.006+08:00

Life has been complicated for me.Honestly, i myself have no idea what i want and what to expect
to this complication. i want to make it right. but how? nothing is that simple any more. i know that most of you don't understand . but those who understand the conflicts to my fairytale. i appreciate it. i have no right to say anything to the person who has been supporting me since i was a Lil girl. I've done the most sinful thing in my life. i deserve being deserted and shouted at. he can say harshful stuff to me. i listened. but day by day, the grudges piled up. and I'm sorry if one day I'm just gonna walk away. and i know i dun have the will to support the Lil kid at home. but i want the best out of him.that is why I'm still at home despite getting hurt all the time. i can't wait to be successful, that day he's going to shut up and believe me. it doesn't matter anymore if anybody gonna love me or not. i don't give a damn.praying to god every night without a miss so that one day, the light gonna shine upon me once again.Insyallah.Amin.

hello hello!!

2008-11-15T17:15:00.002+08:00

im back passing-readers!
i wanna give a special thanks to NUREEN ASHILA!
she's da one who did this blog.again and again.im just too busy and too lazy to bother.
haha.nak simple kerja.starting from now i'm going to update again.
now.im at LOVE's house.going out later meet annbaby and her dearest.double date.
then going to meet yunishaphilip .her birthdae tomorrow.so, wanna mit her early.i miss her so.
chious people.

p.s:As promised, im going to update pictures of my new hairdo and gambar raya on my new post.

new and everything else is new.

2008-10-11T16:22:00.002+08:00

oh yah.. niwae... i've got a new hair cut!!
will post the pics too!

long gone..

2008-10-11T16:13:00.002+08:00

hey peeps...
i know Ive been away for soooo long.
until, i myself forget my own user name and password.
been very busy with my new life, N level, Hari Raya, boyfriend.
its fair that i abandoned the blog and i did the same to my friendster and emails.
its flooded with unnecessary stuff. will be back soon. ok lah, not to soon.
but i promise its going to be better. new skin, new post, new pic, new song.
keep checking on me. lets make things easier, come back and read next month.
see ya soon beautiful creatures!

Blissful 31st!

2008-07-27T21:15:00.005+08:00

Happy 31st Monthsary BabyLove!
(24/07/08)

Therefore i dedicate this song to you,

To watch video-
1) scroll down
2) pause the playlist
3) scroll up
4) play video

Loads of Love Baby..and I'm sorry for updating late.very late.

2 years 7 months and still counting....

Zaid 'Adli

2008-07-21T21:52:00.004+08:00

Though his too young to understand, i dedicate this song, or should i say a verse, to him.

well, those who understand why i dedicate this, good to know. Those who don't , act like you don't okeh?

atas nama cinta ..

hati ini tak mungkin terbagi

sampai nanti hingga aku mati

cinta ini hanya untuk engkau

atas nama cinta kurelakan jalanku merana

asal engkau akhirnya denganku

ku bersumpah atas nama cinta..

You'll forever be apart of me.

cause' you're my heart and soul.

oh, how am i suppose to live without

my heart and my soul...

Day out!

2008-07-21T21:23:00.008+08:00

19th July 2008

Went out with Mother ,Zaid, Love, Kak Sara, Ibu. Easy said, went out with Love's family.

Actually it was my shopping day, but mother decided to go out with Love's family. so the shopping was postponed to 20th

20th July 2008

Went shopping with Mother then after that went to Pasir Ris park, watch little cousins have fun.

Shopped for new simple clothes and Zaid's stuff for the mean time while waiting for Sister to be free and go shopping again, using Dad's money. hahahah!

Sister bought me Tee's at KL. Just Like the one i asked for.Simple and Crap.

(pls tilt you head abit okeh? thank you!)

Looking forward for the next shopping!

fucked up

2008-07-18T19:30:00.003+08:00

Today i went for my N Level Malay Oral. It was okeh. its about berjimat-cermat. i was like. hack! i wished it wasn't political or whatever too classy... but shoot.i wasnt lucky enough.
and i blanked out for a while to think and translate the word "bill". until now i still can't think of the word.

Minah Mode:

kental and macam paham. thats the two word to discribe that biatch. sumpah sia dier kental..i bet after reading this ur gonna think the same wae to.
she's 15, wears specs, muka pecah.
she wants to hang out with the clans in school so she'd look cool. my god, she lagi rela jadi anjing and follow the clans around so she's accepted.what the fuch ah sia.
abeh she ever said this to somebody...." aku budak airport nyer, lagi atas dari airport"
What The Fuccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!

So just now, my oral started at 2.30pm but school ended at 12.35pm.Me and Ann went out to smoke. she was under the block with a mat ite.kental nak mampos. sama jenis dengan die.and there's also this gvss girl, but she's wearing homeclothes. just imagine, she go school and wear make-up. Fat and Short. pakaian step minah, macam debab tersumbat dalam aisbok!
after my oral, they were there too.When ann was on the fon with her mum saying "ibu, gosok kan baju kite, petang nanti kite keje." the mat kacau ann and said "keje je..skolah taknak" sumpah sia, ann tak menyusah kan korang! so, we went for a smoke again. atleast we respect the school uniform and smoke someplace people won't see. dorang, mcm paham. buat kecoh bawah blk.nak lepak pun tukar baju ah! abeh they stare us. carik pasal. tendang2 the lift we're in. kite turun, dorang takda... step berpecah.. me and ann dah jalan jauh sikit, baru kumpul balik. sungguh kental la sei. im not happy and ive never happy with her.
Bukan nak kerek ahh, but if she think she's fierce, tgk ah record sapa lagi rabak dan byk kat skolah!
and kalau betol dier fierce, dari sec 1 , i would know she exists in this world!
So excited for monday! gonna fuck her upside down!

p.s: go rot and die fuckers!

A Picture Speaks a Thousands Word

2008-07-14T01:33:00.002+08:00

Its been a tiring week for me and a painful week for Love.I'll just update pictures that i have as picture speaks a thousand words...

9 July 2008

(4 period free..raining day.. what else in the mind, sleep,camwhore)

10 July 2008

(Hancock was superly funny and touching)

19 July 2008

(open your eyes lah dehh.. see..Zaid can do better then you.)

Till then...

i Hate u ok?

2008-07-09T15:50:00.002+08:00

Don't Say You Understand While Actually You Don't.

Hypocrites are so unloved. Don't Be One When You Suck At It.

-ayu-

Sick

2008-07-03T21:46:00.002+08:00

I'm sad ... cause i didn't manage to visit Love. Was super sick. Certainly an off day for school. Actually I've been sick for more than a month, but tahan and tahan till todae i cannot tahan. haha. bodoh kan. i know. i slept for hours. a "cover-up sleep" for the time i didn't sleep when i got to know Love was in an accident.I have to visit him tomorrow!

- Falling in Love with you is an extraordinary feeling.

Accident

2008-07-02T22:33:00.004+08:00

Just now at 2am was a nightmare to me. i got a call from Love's friend and he told me something that i don't wish to hear. Love had an accident! At that moment, i was lost, i thought it was just a dream. i thought it was a prank.But it wasn't. i feel like my heart is in my stomach when i heard that news.Everything that i did, went wrong.

i wanted to go to the hospital to see him badly, but its never possible for me to get out of the house in the middle of the night and i had to go to school in 4 hours time. the worry in me was so strong that i couldn't sleep throughout the night.i was like a zombie in school, couldn't stop my self from thinking about him.Was worried, sleepy, sad , and whatever else. i told him that I'm going to visit him and take care of him after my school end.

And yes, i did. So, i went to Tampines interchange and get doughnuts to bring to his place. when i reach there ,i was dumbfounded looking at him with a fractured arm and "shifted" collarbone. i kept to myself for a moment because i can't imagine my life without him. seeing him like this got me worried like hell, what else if he goes. Touch wood la k. but all those did run through my roller coaster mind.

baby.. do take good care of yourself alright baby. i miss you, and i still need you here with me.

I'll come and take care of you when ever i can alright baby. i need you to be strong.

p/s: i love you

i miss you.

2008-07-01T23:46:00.004+08:00

Oh god.. i can' t take this. i miss abah so much.Listening to this song, reminds me of him. i couldn't take control of my tears. i miss you so much.

(to listen:

1) scroll down, pause the play list.

2) scroll up, play the video.

its just the song with lyrics.)

-You're loved dearly...

Sorry

2008-06-29T22:50:00.005+08:00

i did something selfish this morning. so i decided to make him something so that he would forgive me. i made him cupcakes. i was sick but yeah, whatever, i'd rather get forgiven rather than keep this fight going on.

-baby, im sorry.

Stupid Shop!

2008-06-27T19:32:00.004+08:00

Love brought me to this ice-cream shop to eat ice-cream with waffle at simei.sooo hate the shop!
Im so irritated with the worker,her customer service suck!
Well, i wanted to buy an ice-cream waffle . i told her nicely that i want waffle with mint ice-cream.
she just look at me and jeling, she could at least say OK or nod her head OR smile! i was super irritated i purposely said WHAT THE F**K loudly.
then i went and sit beside Boyfie, i told him what happened. then he ask me to stop. and say something abt he works as an FnB too. bla bla bla. anger was lingering all over my body but i dun wish to argue coz i know it wont end.
sialla... what the fuck. who cares if ur kedai is not like those high class restaurant. that doesn't mean you can give that face to the customer or even a bad service! we are the paying customer, u are the worker. so work like how u should! sorry ah, I'm not that kind of person to just shut my mouth when I'm not happy. serious sia.. kalau ada manager dier, pumpan tu dah kene rabak dah!
I'm never gonna go to that kedai again ,though the waffle was nice.
Anyway, thanks baybe for buying me the waffle.

iTude

2008-06-26T23:55:00.003+08:00

Baby, Thanks for buying me itude!
Now we have the same!
yey! haha! ok. im just happy.

-missing you...

Thank You Baby!

2008-06-25T20:25:00.004+08:00

Shopping! Yes. I shopped with dearest just now. Thanks baby for the sweater,hairband and the super shiok drink! At last i got the sweater that i wanted. And baby, guess what, actually i love this Black sweater better then the other white sweater. i purposely ask u to choose which one you think i like and what would you get for me if i wasn't with you. Bingo! You chose the black one. Yey! Your so clever. I'm touched that u know my taste well. And I'm happy that you get yourself a Tee, something useful.
Having you to buy me this and the surprise u gave me at 12am was a great gift for our anniversary.
I Love you Dear!

-For the love we've shared...

Happy 30th Monthsary Baby!

2008-06-24T21:47:00.002+08:00

Baby..
Happy 2 year 6 month Dearest.
I'm so happy to be with you despite all the shits that we have to face.
He gave me a sweet surprise at 12am.

Ayu: Haha. u mesti takle bangun nye, to take da receipt..! (11.46pm)
Love: Maybe, lau i tak angun i tk jumpa u k syg, i nid rest baby. (11.47pm)
Ayu: Haiya. i aru pk nk gv u a kis 4 our monthsary.(11.48pm)
Love: Ala, u tk surprise langsunglah.(11.49pm)
Ayu: Haha. 2 bad.takpa ah. coz i tau. u wont wake up.takpa syg. i phm.(11.51pm)
Love: Surprise me, men lyke surprises, yeah bb yeah.(11.52pm)
Ayu: Eh eh dekni. u patot surprise i. coz u didnt gv me anything on da dae i gv u my last gift 4 our 2 yrs. u lost it lagik ada. hw disappointing! (11.55pm)

i was typing the anniversary wish halfway,and exactly 12 am. he called me... he asked me to look out the window!. he was there! yes he did surprise me!
So in love with him!

Once again, Happy 30th Baby!
Thank you baby!

I did it Again...

2008-06-22T19:22:00.005+08:00

Whats wrong with me.. procrastination is all i do.

procrastinate is my middle name,i think.

20th

Today is suppose to be the day for cousin outing, but some have silat and camps so, i Meet my Love instead! wee~ sanggup bangun pagi just to teman me.

thanks darling. after that meet parents and babyboi ...we spent time at Ehub.

makan at BBQ chicken.Sungguh Sedap.! Those who love chicken would love it!

21th

Had soooo much fun. Gi town with Love. its been quite sometime not going there. went there for a purpose, which was to find a baby black tee. at last.. don't have. who cares... it was fun after all.

20th & 21st

till then~

Wishes

2008-06-19T16:50:00.006+08:00

I wish upon a star...

- Go rollerskating with Love.
- Go watch latest movie with Love
- Go Swimming with Love
- Eat Seoul Garden with Love
- Hoodies.(Thanks to baby).
- 2 dresses
- 2 Tee
- 1 jeans
- 1 heels
- 1 slipper
- Rihanna Concert Live DvD
- Revlon Colourstay Minerals Foundation
- Cousins outing
- To kill 'the kepokias' in my family.
- To get away from the family.
- Pay back my kakak sedara $100.
- Love, attention, Money from parents.

( the maroon ones are the granted wish)

All Squeezed into One.

2008-06-17T23:08:00.004+08:00

14th June
Went to Hannah Montana Roadshow with sister. You might say we're childish.But who cares, there is still a kid inside us. HaHHa! It was fun. I got 11 3-D Goggles for the Hannah Montana Concert.Can't wait!

15th June

Went out with Love. Teman him go escorting pengantin with his "people". Super banyak la motor. Just to let you know, i hate bikes which makes loud irritating noises.i would swear those bikes like nobody business.But what the hack, had to keep my mouth shut on that day. just imagine there were more then 50 bikes..horning,perah-ing,shouting...asap all over.
dah la macam nak sakit. those pollution and noises making me more sick! but it was super fun!
my first time. sure wanna do it again!

That's the clearest pic i have..ill upload more if i have.
Guess what. i was sick that night! High Fever!
very very High! Macam nak mati, takla bedek tuu..haha.

p.s: Love, i miss u soo much.

That's all for now.
Toddles yaw.

Its been Quite some Time..

2008-06-13T00:07:00.010+08:00

Its been quite sometime not updating stuff.

so.. I'm gonna summarise everything into small-small paragraph.

That time when i was watching Star Movies. There's trial of Spider man 3.

And there was this part where Peter Parker aunt said to him..

" A Man Have To Put His Wife First Before Himself."

i was like , oh my god. that was really true. and hopefully my future husband

will put me First before anything else.

Anyway...

First of all.. i wanna thank Shamira for doing the blog skin before this new Skin.
but it was too cramped up into one column, so i asked Nureen to help me.
since Nureen knows me better..she knew my taste. and she did it.
Thank you Nureen.Shamira Was SO adorable. she was so scared that i didn't like it.
i like it but not to the extent of love. I'm the kind of person who wants perfect,
but i still Thank you.

Second...yesterday i went to meet Love. Just hang out at Starbucks with his friends.
After that meet mom at Whitesands to eat since i haven eat since morning, and by then
it was 6.30pm.
Anyway i got a cute Lil' handmade rose,...which was done by Victor.
( Starbucks Stirrer was the stem, Paper was the Rose)
Thanks Vic!

Just now i went to Kenduri Arwah..
the moment i reach there Hussien ajak me go TM, cause he wanted to get jeans.
so, singgah and meet love for awhile.
i bought him a Hp key chain .Alphabet key chain.
He got A for Ayuni and Adli. I got Z for Zabid and Zaid.
Manage to capture a few pics.

i need my bed so badly now!

Out And Away

2008-06-08T03:38:00.007+08:00

Had super fun.

Just got home.

Went out with

kak lela,abg zizul, sis, kakak sedara and nizam.

Places that we went...

Leisure park, Airport T3, Mustafa Centre and Simpang Bedok

It was almost midnight and then my dad and my aunt

bodek2 my abg sedara to bring us jalan2, since he's fetching his wife.

so apa lagi, siap lincah kadok nyer kes...

malas nak pakai make-up, contact lens and whatever.

just slack to the core.

here's some picture...a picture speaks a thousand words.

thats all folks.

That Hottie!

2008-06-05T18:09:00.008+08:00

Teuku Wisnu

God!

he's such a heartthrob.

he is one hottie that i can never have.

if Love can adore Dayang Nurfaezah.

i can adore Teuku!

love

2008-06-04T19:14:00.012+08:00

Went out with Love yesterday!

Though we didn't go and do much stuff such as watching movies or whatever yesterday,

but it was a blast.

Being with him is all i want and need.

Having him in front of me eating dinner already makes me happy.

Yesterday was the day he sang me With You-Chris Brown at esplanade.

i can't stop smiling throughout the whole song.

melting and keep having goosebumps.

never gonna forget that moment.

its been quite sometime not meeting him. the feeling that i had yesterday was indescribable .

I'm so in love again!

Love, if you are reading this..

i just wanna tell you that everything is gonna be alright.
ignore the shits, ignore the blames, ignore the hatred.

ignore everything.

no one can pull us down. and i mean it,nobody.

hold on strong like how u always told me to do.

we're gonna pull this through together.

i will always love you till the end.

p.s: i love you boo.

chalet

2008-06-01T22:46:00.003+08:00

I just got back from chalet!
my god.
super super tired! the chalet is actually 4 days 3 nights.
and i only stay over for 1 night... and tonight is the 3rd night.
I'll update about the chalet soon. need my bed badly!

Super Penat la Kan

2008-05-30T00:16:00.007+08:00

i just got back from kenduri. and its midnight again.
another tiring day.
saw all those faces that i don't wish to see. ergh. disgusted.
one of the kepokia..said that this person kepala angin will never change.
well, she should see who she is first before talking about others.
her mouth is too much. i remember she saying that after arwah's gone,
she wants to change. change kebabai. mulut tetap penuh ngan dosa!

just now my mom brought my sister graduation picture because
arwah's wife wants to see it. everybody wants to see it except for that kepokia.
(the one i mentioned on top)
she gave a dirty look and ignore that picture when people show it to her.
i bet she's jealous. she's one arrogant person.

anyway, highlight of the day.
the Urut session the kids have.
Seven of my nieces went around the house and ask who wants urut.
at first it was free. suddenly they came up with this idea to ask us to pay.
and pretend they open up this urut business stuff.
first they urut one of the auntie. and she paid $1 each.
second, my sis. $1 each too.
third , me. but i only have to pay 50 cents. because I'm still a student.
its super shiok la.
just imagine, u lie on this mattress and 7 people massage at different places.
such as hands, legs, back and head.
pleasure.
i also over heard that they want to open up a spa. traditional urut stuff.
how adorable.

all right, i think that's all for now. have to recharge my self for tomorrow.
have to wake up in the morning wrap presents for my nephew birthday party.
then go raffles to order balloons. and go aloha, decorate the chalet.
so exited. but its gonna be another long day.

Just Stop, Stop Punishing Me

2008-05-27T17:05:00.006+08:00

yesterday was a hell day.

my love life is complicated.
hate and anger is the word to discribe my family feelings towards
him. and that's his feelings towards my family.
all this started ever since "that" happen.
im not even allowed to meet him animore. but i really miss him
so i risk it. but end up.some mulut murai..saw me on the bike with him.
tak sempat pergi mana2 pun!
its different now.. last time.. i can just go out with him anytime im free.
now.. haram. i have to lie just to meet him.
and oh yah, the day before yesterdae. i dream about getting caught being with him.
and it did happen.
my dad ask my sis to send me to my aunt's place.
and there...i saw that mulut MURAI!
i just feel like punching her face. suka nar jaga tepi kain orang.kain sendiri tak terurus.
grrr.so mad.
my dad threw a solid toy on my leg. and the bruise is obvious! that is just 0.01%
of what i should get.
when i got home. he scream at my face. i see hell. i just deny that..that wasn't me.
swear and swear and swear and he sort of believe me. but i know he is stil doubting me.
yesterdae, he said this to me..
" if one more time you lie to me, ayah akan sumpah adik. ayah tak kesah. i don't care if
i lose u!"
my heart breaks into million pieces.
well,let the rest of the story be a secret.

first i lost my dad
second...i almost lost my boyfriend.
third i lost my mom.
fourth..i lost my sister.
she wants to live on her own. she dont wants to know anithing
or other words..nak enjoy,nak susah..apaper sendiri.
used to be so close. but i dun see it animore.
i have nobody now.
my secondary family? no way. i simply hate them to the core.
im just so confuse.
if i have the money..i will leave this family for sure. go far far away
since they don't need me in this family
i am no longer the daughter in the family.
so.. it doesnt matter.

aniway...kakak..
if you are reading this..
CONGRATULATIONS for your GRADUATION.
you've made ayah proud.
atleast he got someone in the family to be proud of.

Idiotic Bit*h

2008-05-26T13:23:00.006+08:00

Yesterday was such a tiring day.
Woke up early in the morning to go my aunt's
house. she's going umrah.
there were 1 van, 5 cars, 5 bikes.
just to send her. im sure gonna miss her.
after that went to rumah arwah abah.And got home
after midnight. super tired la..
but it was a fun day.

so many things is happening to my family in 2008.
first..me.
second.atiqah.
third.abah
fourth.mak

talking about atiqah. ran away from home.
gosh..thats the most stupidest thing ever man.
i don't know what the hell is wrong with her.
yes, its true that she have low IQ. but
common la.. such unappreaciative biatch.
i face so much.. but i don't run!
she run just because of freedom. FREEDOM HOTAK KAU!
she is my cousin. but what she did to this family.
make me hate her to the core.the first time she ran.
i found her. i took her home. second time. my uncle took her home.
third time, my sis found her, she took her home.
now.. gone with the wind.
don't she read the newpaper, berita harian or whatever about abah?!
abah..he is the one who took care of her when she was small.
mak.. she was the one who took care of her during her schooling years.
and yet she busted both!
i swear she's gonna regret her whole life for what she did. Abah took care of her
.he gave her his everything.. but what she give in return? nothing.
she wasn't even there when dorang nak kebumikan abah.
she wasn't even there when mak was at the airport going to umrah.
so cruel! i hate her.
infact, my cousin's hate her too.
ish.. if i see her. im gonna hit her with all my energy !
i have the right to hit her. i am not her parents. but im her aunt.
(HER CLOSEST ONE SOMMORE!! )
her parents gave me the authority to do things as long as its for her own good.
she run away three times...sikit pun tak kene sentuh.
bebual baik-baik pun tak guna. tangan jugak nak kene jalan.
k k.. im overreacting... (breathe in...breathe out...)

k im cool now...
please lah..who ever who know that idiot cousin of mine.
please ask her to come back!

Happy Anniversary

2008-05-24T15:12:00.004+08:00

Happy Anniversary my love.

its been 2 years and 5 mths facing happiness and hardship together.

im glad that wé're strong as ever.

i love you love!

He died as a hero.

2008-05-24T14:00:00.009+08:00

I love him so much.
forever i will.
though now i lose him. he will always be fresh in my mind.
he is and forever will be a part of me.
he, my uncle. who passed away in a tragic way.
he was in the Newpaper, Berita Harian and Straits Time.
the one who drowned in the sea at marina south.

summary of it...
his instruction saved my family lives. but he didn't survive
tragic sinking. in the boat there were 12 of my family members.
3 children. and 1 pregnant.
my uncle has history of heart problem.
he managed to yell out instruction to my family members and
whistled his heart out till he's so weak.luckily. my abg sedara
managed to hold him or else,i think he will lie there on the seabed.

to know the story ..
go read straits time page 1 and 2 (home)
berita harian page 2.
newpaper page 6 and 7.

the ustaz who mandi kan jenazah.said that drowning is also
mati syahid. im somehow pleased to hear that.
actually, yesterday was the day he suppose to go operation.
heart thinggy, but he passed away before the operation .
my grandfather said that, maybe he really doesn't want the operation.
he's willing to go. last time, when his children and my uncles wanted
to search a GOOD heart specialist, he scolded them. he don't want an
operation.

its so sad to think about it.
i can never imagine how the victims feel.
its just a big lost.
all this is happening too fast.
i still can't believe it. i keep hearing his voice and imagining
him walking around the house and smoking in my balcony.
i remember the last time i saw him was
at my house. we kindda argue cause
he wanted to watch Animal Channel
and i wanted to watch Sensasi.
but at last he managed to make me smile.
yesterday was the kenduri arwah.
that was the last time for me to see his peaceful face.
it that kind of situition, he still have a smile on his face.
that smile shows everything.
he use to kiss my forehead all the time.
yesterday was my first and my last kiss on his forehead.
my first and last time to kiss his leg.
i lose control of myself.i was so weak when i saw him yesterdae.
when i kissed him. my aunt, dad, cousin had to hold me up.

he's the closest uncle amoung all.
i really love him. i miss him. everything about him.

i love you abah!
may you rest in peace.
you died as a hero. u saved 11 lives.

.Changes.

2008-05-22T21:48:00.002+08:00

a new life. a new blog. a new email.a new everything.

my life has officially change to the worse.things happened..and i cant be the same like last time.I've lost my freedom.I've lost the trust from my parents. and i feel like I've lost my own dad.i feel disowned.i lost everything that I've got.i used to be the 'baby' in the family.money, love, care, happiness all showered on me. i got the attention more thenmy sister does.now.. all gone. a sudden change. so not ready for that.Was pampered for 15 years.. and suddenly..gone.i can never look back. I'm like a wilted flower.so hurt deep within.now..i have to work hard for my future. want to be successful.. no slacky-macky,dilly-dally and whatever else. im doing the best for us.if only..all this thing inside me would just come out as one word.

dad..i want to be your 'baby' again.

pocketful of sunshine

2008-05-22T19:46:00.000+08:00

the sun is on my side.
take me for a ride.
i look up to the sky.
and i'll know i'll be alright.